


Sleeping on My Own

by kingofemo



Category: Persona 3, Persona Series
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Aragaki Shinjiro Lives, M/M, Medicinal Drug Use, needles tw, post romanced shinji in p3p line, sad and gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-12-18 06:26:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18244217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingofemo/pseuds/kingofemo
Summary: It's been five years since he'd 'gotten better,' yet Shinjiro is still going through the same routine. He's surviving, and that's enough.He hasn't heard from his old friends in a long time, but he isn't worried. If they needed him, they'd let him know.At least, he hoped no one would just show up uninvited.





	Sleeping on My Own

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, major spoiler warning for the ending of persona 3!  
> Plus I'd like to warn you about the parts about needles and drug use.  
> Be safe, everybody! <3

He was sure he looked like some sort of junkie to everyone that saw him.

Well, he was, in a way. There had been many eyes that had fallen on the track marks on his arms, but no one ever seemed to comment on them. Be it out of pity, or out of intimidation, no one had stopped to ask if he needed any help. No one extended a hand or an “I’m here if you need me.”

He didn’t need anyone, anyway. That’s the whole reason he was biting at the tourniquet wrapped around his arm to tighten it, and lining up the needle expertly. It wasn’t recreational, what was being shoved into his veins; at this point he was only doing it himself to spare having to take the daily trips to the hospital when he needed it. He wasn’t ever happy to feel the burn as it dispersed into his bloodstream, and he always sat on the ground, his back against the fridge in the kitchen for at least a half an hour after taking off the band around his arm. He didn’t feel a rush, nor did he feel any sense of euphoria in any sense. Just a tight pinch that told him there was something foreign in his arm, and that was that.

While he sat motionless against the fridge, he thought of Minako’s voice. It was far away, pleading.

_“Please… hang on. We need you. I… We can’t do this without your help.”_

What good did it do, anyway? Holding onto her voice in his dreams as he lied, half dead and only being kept alive by the whirring of machines and the tubes that left strange scars on his skin? When he woke, he’d forgotten her. As he relearned to walk, to eat, and gained back his ability to see, she didn’t cross his mind.

When he finally was able to remember, he hobbled back to the roof of the school to hold her, apologize, thank her for keeping him alive. He never felt like it was worth it, that he was nothing short of abandoned back alley trash in a smelly coat. But she told him he was beautiful, listened to him even when he wasn’t speaking, held him at night when his body shook from lack of medication.

He watched her go in his arms, felt her grow cold with a smile on her face. Their friends surrounded them as he cried into her, knowing there was nothing holding her onto this world anymore. Knowing that he wasn’t enough to keep her there.

It was some time past then, and he was lying almost motionless on the ground in his unkempt apartment. He’d been kept alive for an entire five years and some change, thanks to a mix of the Kirijo group’s medication and his own spite. As he realized he’d been thinking about the past too much in one day, he was interrupted. Koromaru padded into the kitchen and sat at his feet, his head cocked and his ears bent backward. His tongue flopped out of his mouth as he received a soft pat on his head, thankful to at least get that out of him.

A generic ringtone blasted from the living room, and was almost about to switch to voicemail when he finally picked it up.

“Yeah?”

“Aragaki. I wanted to confirm that it was alright that I come to visit tomorrow evening. Does this still work for you?”

Mitsuru again. She’d been the only person in SEES besides the kid and the dog to stay in his life regularly. After a slight pause, as if he didn’t already tell her it was fine earlier in the week and he was still thinking, he told her “I’ll be here.”

“Excellent. I will see you around six o’ clock at the latest, as per usual.”

“Alright.”

She hung up without a goodbye, most likely to make sure he couldn’t back out of it. Sure, he could be an asshole, but he never would push her away on purpose. It had become tradition for her to stop by once every other week. He knew it was most likely to keep an eye on if he was taking care of himself medically and to make sure he actually made _himself_ a decent meal at least once in a while. He couldn’t deny that she was his closest friend nowadays, which seemed wrong somehow.

Shinji decided after another few minutes of sitting on the floor that he should probably sleep if he wanted to make it to work on time in the morning. Not that he ever was exactly on time, of course, but he’d make an attempt. It was always hard on his knees to get up from the ground; he heaved himself up and did a half-assed attempt on cleaning up.

“C’mon, Koro-chan, it’s bedtime.” He called, and the dog happily trotted behind him and into the bed.

As soon as he was settled in, Koromaru at his feet, his phone started to ring again. It vibrated about his nightstand, and after checking the caller ID and not seeing a number he recognized, he answered it with a groggy _“What?”_

“Oh, sorry, I just remembered what time it is over there.”

Shinji’s heart sank. He recognized the voice the first moment it reached his ear.

“I just wanted to give you a heads up that I’m gonna -”

He shut his phone and decided he wasn’t going to deal with Akihiko so soon before bed, if at all.

-

Somehow, he’d made it to work on time and left exactly when he was scheduled. He did however have to take an extra smoke break to ease the fact he’d have company over later. The rest of the kitchen seemed to sense something was a little different about him, and he was mostly left alone. He really did appreciate his job in times like this because the mixture of stress he felt from his upcoming night and whatever that late night phonecall was - if he hadn't dreamt it - he probably would’ve gone off on someone.

He didn’t, though, and he still had one last cigarette with him to nurse on the way home. It started raining as soon as he lit up, as if nothing could get any worse for him. At least it was light enough to let him somewhat enjoy his last smoke, giving him something to do as he walked that would make anyone that looked at him notice the cigarette and not the fact that his hands were shaking. It was coming on early that day, must be from the stress again. Damn medicine never did its job right unless every fucking thing was perfect.

He greeted Koromaru upon walking inside, hanging up his jacket and doing a final sweep to clean up whatever bullshit he had lying around that Mitsuru may not want to see. After taking a quick shower just to smell less like smoke, Shinji dressed himself in his normal ‘Mitsuru is coming over’ clothes that wouldn’t offend her as badly as his normal at home outfit would.

Just as he planned, there was a knock on his door at precisely five-fifty. Shinji opened it, expecting Mitsuru, but he let out a sigh when he was met with Akihiko’s sad grey eyes.

He shut the door.

“Shinji, come on,” Akihiko knocked again, harder this time. His voice was muffled, but somehow it stung in his ears. “I came all this way. The _least_ you can do -”

He walked away and sat down, sipping at the tea he’d prepared for Mitsuru. He was guessing that she wasn’t going to show up, anyway. He mocked Aki’s little _‘the least you could do’_ under his breath, huffing to himself.

Akihiko noticed that the door was unlocked and opened it himself, almost meekly. He took off his shoes and approached his former best friend, who was looking at anything but him.

“Damn it, did I forget to lock that?” He set his tea down, then rubbed at his temples. Obviously, he left it unlocked for a reason. “Maybe you would’ve left.”

“Maybe I would’ve kicked the door down.” Akihiko wouldn’t have kicked the door down, even if he was physically capable of doing so. “Do you know why I came back?”

“I don’t think you’d admit to saying ‘to piss off Shinjiro’ but that’s probably what you’ll end up doing.”

His brows furrowed. “You’re really upset with me.”

“What gave you that impression, moron?”

“Look, I know I’m not around much, but it doesn’t mean I don’t care about you, okay?” Shinji finally looked up at him. He looked much older now, his skin riddled with scars and his eyes with shadows that made him wonder if he really had just flown in. Akihiko’s hair was more disheveled than it normally was, and he looked much more mature than the last time he’d seen him. His brows were furrowed with a few extra lines that really drove it home about how he was upset, not that Shinji would admit to caring about. The pain of their last encounter still stung, and he wasn't about to forget that. “It doesn’t mean I don’t think about you every damn day, it doesn’t mean I don’t regret it sometimes.”

“Then why do you always fuck off like that?”

“Because… I have to.”

“Right.” He picked up his tea again, taking a sip.

“You know why I do this. And if you could, you’d do the same thing, right?” Akihiko was talking with his hands, obviously still thinking he was in the right somehow. As if picking up and leaving to go to every corner of the world just to _fight people_ was a normal lifestyle. Shinjiro stared blankly at him for a few moments.

“Maybe. Never had the chance to think about what I could do if I wasn’t tied to this place. Must be nice to have options. And dreams, or whatever.” He set his teacup down finally, standing up and heading to the kitchen.

“Hey, get back here, I’m not done talking to you.”

“Feel free to continue, but I’m done listening. _”_ Shinji was setting the table, still putting down a plate at both ends, as if Mitsuru did show up. “Sit down and eat something, you look like shit.”

Before Akihiko was able to say whatever he opened his mouth to tell him, Shinji shook his head and motioned for him to sit again. “I know it’s not packed with protein, or pancakes or whatever you actually want, but you look like you need something. Sit the hell down.”

He nodded, digging in with a lot less class than Shinjiro would’ve been met with if she had come. Shinjiro ate quietly, patting Koromaru’s head as he finally followed them to the kitchen, lying down at his feet when he had sufficient head rubs. He didn’t clean his plate, but he found it rude to still be eating when Akihiko had finished. He watched him pat at his mouth with his napkin, and then their eyes met again.

“Thanks,” Akihiko paused for a moment, searching Shinjiro’s tired features for something, anything. “I needed that.”

“Do you eat alright when you’re travelling?”

“Usually. There’s times when money can get tight and I have to improvise, but… Usually.”

“You look like you’re doing well enough. You look pretty healthy besides the bags under your eyes.” He stood, starting to clear the table. “Don’t get up, I got it. When did you fly in?”

“About an hour ago. I was supposed to be here this morning, but the weather was keeping me overseas.” He felt awkward, letting Shinjiro do the dishes by himself, but he wasn’t pushing him out of the apartment… so he stayed put. “Mitsuru said this would probably be the only way to get you to open the door for me. I felt bad lying, so I tried calling you before my plane left, but…”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah,” Akihiko repeated, rubbing at his eyes. “I know just showing up isn’t going to fix everything. I know I didn’t give you enough of a warning before I left.”

“Or _any_ warning.”

“I needed to go,” Akihiko sighed, slumping into his chair a bit more. “After revisiting the past and fighting shadows like that again, I needed to get out of here. But I feel better now. I needed to be back here to see you. I'm going to make it right.”

“So are you back here for good, then?”

A pause.

“I’m only here for a few days.” He looked up at Shinji, who had just went back to his dishes and was pretending he wasn’t just looking at him pleadingly. “I don’t plan on being gone as long this time, though. I’m never going to be done training, but I have to remember where I came from, too.”

“How wise.”

“Shinji…” Akihiko stood up, walked over to his friend, and built up the courage to wrap his arms around him from behind and lay his head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

He said nothing, just continued scrubbing and rinsing until he decided he was done for the night. He’d clean the rest later.

“So you have a place to stay? With Mitsuru or something?” Shinji shrugged Akihiko off when he was tired of being touched, drying his hands off on a towel.

“I was planning on wiring some money and staying at -”

“Bullshit, I’ve got a couch. You can stay here for the night.”

Akihiko blinked, as if not expecting kindness out of Shinjiro anymore. He smiled warmly at his old best friend, nodding in thanks. “You do, I saw that.”

“I have to work in the morning so you’ll have to go then, unless you want to be stuck here with Koro the whole day.” The dog’s ears perked up and he looked over to the guys with his interest piqued at his name.

“Woah, you’re… looking old, boy,” Akihiko finally gave him a little more attention as he padded into the kitchen, flopping himself down at Aki’s feet. “You look well-fed and happy though.”

“We haven’t been out for a run in a while.” Shinji sighed, getting his supplies for his almost nightly dose ready on the now-clean counter. “The kid’s been busy lately, too. So it’s just been me with him for the most part.”

“Oh, you still talk to Ken?”

Shinji just kind of snorted in response, tourniquet in his teeth. He sunk to the floor, taking in a breath and letting the medicine sink into his veins. “Don’t look if you still get all uncomfortable, I really need this right now.”

His visitor just kind of watched, afraid to look directly at him. He’d been around Shinji enough while he had his injections, and was even there the first few months of the treatment, but it was still a harsh reality to face. He was off living life, learning new things, seeing exotic places… And Shinjiro was here, barely clinging to his life. His apartment was tiny, he had to work in the morning? Shinji? In the _morning?_ The kitchen was bare, even, which was the most shocking to him. It was as if the only thing he had to make him happy was even starting to fade to being just a necessity instead of something he could be passionate about. He needed to be here just as badly as he thought.

Wordlessly, Akihiko walked over to join Shinjiro against the fridge. He looked up at the same spot in the ceiling that his friend was as if he’d be able to find what he was so focused on. They sat in silence for a while, Koromaru getting bored and going to the living room to lie down on his favorite pillow instead of watching them.

“Thanks for making time for me,” Akihiko whispered, afraid to pull Shinjiro away from whatever he must be feeling.

“It’s always been my job.” He sighed, trying to find the right words. He didn’t want Akihiko to think he hated him - he really didn’t - but the words that were coming to him were venomous. He decided to reach out for his hand instead, setting his own on top of it softly. Akihiko was looking down at his fingers, noting how Shinji was still shaking just a bit.

“You should go to bed, get a full night’s rest, and work hard tomorrow.”

“You should get off of the floor, you deserve better.”

“I only deserve as much as you’re getting. We’re partners, after all, right?

A smile.

Tiny, soft, barely there. But a smile, nonetheless.

“Go to bed before I kick you out of here.”


End file.
